My cat was sitting on me. I don’t want to be in a relationship, I would rather be in a Range Rover. Sarcasm is an intentional remark on somebody, these words can be used as funny and sometimes serious. I love that you are my person and I am yours, that whatever door we come to, we will open it together. How I feel when there is no coffee? At least, not Sunday nights. Common sense is like deodorant. I cry. Funny Cat Captions. ... A catchy caption is greatly important to bring the reader into view of the post. Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity. You can use all captions for free. Respect you. Live for today, plan for tomorrow, party tonight. And everyone can see that but you. I’m on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it. When they don’t succeed and when others do. Check out some of these side-splittingly funny captions below, remember to upvote your fave ones, and read through Bored Panda's interview with the main moderator of the subreddit, Xalaxis! Dear life, when I said, “Can my day get any worse?” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge. She’s the exclamation mark in the happiest sentence that I could ever possibly write. I DON’T EVEN BELIEVE MYSELF WHEN I SAY I’LL BE READY IN 5 MINUTES. – Jarod Kintz. How to Use instagram Captions to Boost Your Reach (with Humor and your own Voice), Best and Cutest Birthday Instagram Captions for Anyone. DEPRESSO. I try not to work too many Sunday. I can’t really see another squad tryna cross us. The more you weight, the harder you are to kidnap. Getty. Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at…Just be patient. When one door closes, another one opens. The people who need it most never use it! Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. I think I’m ready to go pro. Skin gets darker. by Troye Sivan, No point in holding onto what’s broken, so let’s live in the moment. Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face. I love Instagram because it allows me to maintain a record of my every meal. Other days I put my keys in the fridge. Another selfie, I hope those likes give you the confidence you need to get through your day. I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here. We love the things we love for what they are. If you love something, let it go. )”, “If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine—it’s lethal. It is the morning and the evening star. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I Live And I Learn But I Wait My Turn. Stop being a zombie. Thank you for sharing your big day with me, and a special thank you to the cake you’re serving. Teacher knows who my crush is, assigns my seat next to her. My only real long term goal is to never end up on Maury. An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough. Single, taken, in a relationship. Fighting with me is like being in the special olympics. Light travels faster than sound. Friends knock on the door, best friends walk into your house and start eating. Take every chance you get in life, because some things only happen once. I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open, looking for answers. Constantly taking selfies of yourself won’t make you prettier. DEPRESSO. Press Esc to cancel. That means a lot of awesome and fun times worth capturing. Strangers think I’m quiet, my friends think I’m outgoing, but my best friends know that I’m completely insane. What do you call a bear with no ears? Honesty is the key to a relationship. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding! Your status is measured by your actions. Pork Chop. Sometimes, someone comes into your life so unexpectedly, takes your heart by surprise, and changes your life forever. Finding friends with same mental disorder is priceless. We’re like a really small gang. Be as picky with your men as you are with your selfies. I don’t have Ex’s, I have Y’s. You don’t have to jump high for people to like you, love you, want to be with you, and notice you. Don’t post something crappy, pick a photo that best describes your friendship, and pick the perfect Funny Instagram captions to go with your funny moments. – Katie Lee, To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow. It’s me. LIfe: Lol, wait a sec. I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception. I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere. You jump off a really tall cliff. By the way, I’m wearing the smile you gave me. If you have a problem with me, call me. It’s a million little things. Here you find even more detailed collections: I am working in Online Marketing since 2010 and I have learned a few things in this area over time. Uh, no. After Tuesdays, even the calendar goes WTF. There’s a girl out there with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair. Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life. I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat. Life was much easier when apple and blackberry were just fruits. This just gave me another reason why I love this person. Wish You Were Me? Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night! I was born to STAND OUT! Sure I did.”, “I’d hate to get to the end of my life and think “I could have eaten that!” #noregrets”, “When the waiter asked what I’d like, I handed the menu back and said “yes, please!”, “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a cupcake.”, “Why cake? That is the reason one should never marry. But now I am not sure! Even the cake is in tiers. The truth will set you free. "It's hard to find a friend who's cute, loving, generous, caring, and smart. Happiness comes in waves. As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure is going to happen. I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life. Make milkshakes they said, the boys will come to your yard they said. Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege. Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death! It’s not the mountain we conquer but … Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars. Too bad, if you liked it, you should have put a ring on it. But really the kid’s kind of a genius, right?”, “This girl is on fire! All my life I thought the air was free. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re probably drunk. – Betty Williams, A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in. Postponed. I walk around like everything is fine. This funny cartoon depicts how the rest of Canada views B.C. There are so many great Instagram captions, from inspiring quotes to witty sayings. Are you ok? Encourage you. Taking a funny selfie isn’t easy, so it’s important to really nail it with the caption to get your point across. I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today. If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge? Cupcakes are muffins that believe in miracles. Friendship isn’t about who you know the longest. The good stuff is on the inside. Happy as a clam. If there would be an award for laziness, I would send someone to pick it up for me! Nah! Never let anyone treat you like a yellow Starbust. My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems. I am so open-minded, my brains will fall out some day. Please. So, you’re one of the girls who posts selfie on Facebook? If I was funny, I would have a good Instagram caption. Life is short, false, it’s the longes thing you do. Even after we die, we can become ghosties and scare people forever. Stay safe, eat cake! The best way to look younger, hang out with older people. I wish travel therapy was covered by my health insurance. I am in a flirtationship. For every action, I have a clever reserve caption. I can’t wait to ugly cry at the next wedding. Sometimes I need expert advice. I hope we are good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people. Just saw the smartest person when I was in front of the mirror. I wouldn’t call them lies! I don’t want to be in a relationship, also I would rather be in a Range Rover. For me being in math class is like watching a foreign language movie without any subtitles. Obviously a girl because it won’t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas. My favorite music is your voice. People are like Oreos. Don’t interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. At work, it’s 1:30 PM. While love life is life, food is lifer and we mean that in the most literal sense. Go wherever you feel most alive. A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. So what better way to explain your dog's strange nature than with these hilarious dog pictures with captions. But first, let me take a … Friends are like flowers, they add color to your life..!! JUST WING IT. Admit it, you love your friends and you go crazy when you’re with them. Just one more cookie. I wish everybody would have one! I have to stare at the ceiling and question every decision I’ve ever made. What's your point? You are a pink starburst. — Live in the Moment by Craig David. Thinking I’m a moron gives people something to feel smug about. I didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose me. For the love of God, please stop posting pictures of yourself. To streamline the process, here's a list of funny Instagram captions to use on New Year's Day so all you have to do is copy, paste, and send. — Everybody Wants to Be Famous by Superorganism, Shine on, diamond, don’t make me wait another day. “I want to be like a caterpillar. Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. Decrease speed until walking in front of you. Until I saw this, I didn’t know how badly I needed a smile. – Unknown, A man says a lot of things in summer he doesn’t mean in winter. From another point of view. For a second I thought you weren’t a pathetic attention seeker. I hate when people see me at the supermarket and they are all like “Hey, what are you doing here?” And I’m just like, “Oh, you know hunting elephants.”. Just one more minute. Don’t try to be someone that society wants you to be; that’s stupid. I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday. !My bed is a magical place. There’s an overflow of content on Instagram. 89. A wedding isn’t about a bride and groom. It’s too bad your selfie stick isn’t long enough to capture how ridiculous you look using a selfie stick. The older you get, the better you get. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit. A clever person solves a problem. You still get to do stupid things, only slower. I laugh. I hope we are besties forever. What do you call a thieving alligator? I’m jealous of my parents, I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs. Lives change like the weather. Please GOD if you can’t make me slim, make my friends fat. I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, call me Beercules. The relationship is great!”, “I got a haircut! "Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport." 2. I eat cake because it is somebody’s birthday somewhere! They’re going to make such a cute old couple. Really?? Seriously, another selfie? Roses are red, violets are blue, Oh my friend you belong to a zoo. if a redhead works at a bakery, does that make him a ginger bread man? You’re just a little too crazy for their taste. It’s about who walked into your life and said, I am here for you and proved it. . Won’t someone help me? You keep using that word, I don’t think it means what you think it means. EVERYTHING I LIKE IS EITHER EXPENSIVE, ILLEGAL OR WON’T TEXT ME BACK. If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘chocolate’ … I’ll turn around. I don’t know what’s tighter, our jeans or our friendship. Not all the best moments are created with the one you love, some are created with true friends, a blissful beach, and some beer for sure! I wish everybody had one. But first, it will piss you off. I’m a math teacher. For proper retaliation, you need a good sort of Sarcastic Quotes For Haters that can be used along with the picture you share. But young enough to do it anyway. as late as possible. — Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) by Fall Out Boy, This may be the night that my dreams might let me know… All the stars are closer. It’s amazing the lies that people will believe about me when the truth is actually much more interesting. Here are the best Instagram captions for sisters. Love is like the wind, you can’t see it but you can feel it. When the sky turns pink, it’s time for a drink! I don’t always surf the internet, but when I do, eyebrows! Here is more sayings: positive Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net. — My My My! I can’t clean my room because I get distracted by the cool stuff I find! “Not everyone has to ride off into the sunset with a man. You’re just creating your own little drama out of pure insecurity. If a dentist makes their money from unhealthy teeth, why would I trust a product 4/5 of them recommend? Keep a smile on your face and let your personality be your autograph. Hwne they disappear, it’s a beautiful day. You can use them as Instagram Captions, on Facebook photo captions, etc. Exactly. Make sure to savor all your special moments, step outside of yourself, and bask in your own presence, while it’s still present. I’m single. I just taught you to say “Bacon” with a Jamaican accent. I look at people sometimes and think ….. APPRECIATE GOOD PEOPLE. You and I are more than friends. Still looking for happiness in the same place you just lost it. Don’t worry about what people think. What was the question again? WE WERE BORN TO BE REAL, NOT TO BE PERFECT. It’s already tomorrow in Australia. Then I suggest you quit finding me. Sometimes I have to tell myself it’s not worth the jail time. I need a six-month holiday, twice a year. Before spending time trying to find someone, you must first find yourself. I don’t think outside the box. Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate. Girls just wanna have sun. Just dropped my new single! She cooks the same way. The more you weight the harder you are to kidnap. I have terrible judgment.”, “Deploy the secret cuteness weapon—kids!”, “I totally knew that creepy guy was behind me. View this post on Instagram . I like to call them Sunday Fundays. 91. Alcohol will give different, type of superhuman power! A beautiful woman delights the eye; a wise woman, the understanding; a pure one, the soul. God is really creative, I mean just look at me and think. Be with those that bring out the best in you, not the stress in you. Now, point me in the direction of the charcuterie plate. View More: Funny Question Instagram Captions for IG Stories. Birthdays are good for you. Because anyone else heard our conversations we’d end up in the mental hospital. If you smile when no one is around, you really mean it. You have come to the perfect place. My head says gym but my heart says tacos. So I could fly over certain people and shit on their heads. I never make the same mistake twice. Imma worry ‘bout me, give a f**k about you. Young people think that money is everything. Nowadays, the war of words becomes more popular among people, you have seen these kinds of Sarcasm on social media like Twitter & Facebook. Sometimes I wish I was a bird. Treat yourself as a Queen, and you’ll attract a King. It’s been an emotional day. I love places that make you realize how tiny you and your problems are. I myself never feel that I’m sexy. What we’ve got here is failure to communicate. I don’t know how their arteries aren’t clogged with metal, because both of these girls have HEARTS OF GOLD. Be the reason someone smiles today. People won’t always love you. LOL = I have nothing else to say. Now tell me who is jealous of who? You do the most adorable things without realizing. I’m Always On The Run, Got Weight To Burn. Funny Sarcastic Instagram Captions. You must be so healthy. Life is like a toilet paper. Don’t know where the kids are in the house? The biggest challenge in life is being yourself…in a world trying to make you like everyone else. Some people always in a mood to upset others, they find different ways to hurt people. “Folks, I don’t trust children. Well, well, well. I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying! You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do. Please give me some patience now, now, now. Me – “Mom, don’t you understand concept of gravity? Are you really living a life or just paying the bills until you die? Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Funny enough. Funny Animal Memes With Captions and Funny Pictures and Be stupid, be dumb, be funny, if that’s who you are. Giving in to pier pressure. 2. A blind man walks into a bar. I hope you dance like no one’s watching because they’re not—they’re taking selfies. We list a huge selection of the funniest captions for Instagram and photos to use. Friendship isn’t a big thing – it’s a million little things. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not strong enough. At least this balloon is attracted to me! Sometimes I pretend to be normal. You may win, but in the end you’re still a retard. You’re welcome.”, “Showing myself at my worst so the next selfie I post, you’ll all be astounded by my stunning transformation.”, “I’m probably going to regret this (in 3…2…1…).”, “Woke up like this. I hope you always find a reason to smile. Dear God, there is a bug in your week Software. What others think of me is none of my business! All with hilarious captions, of course! Because sad backwards is das—and das not good!”. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away. Friends are medicine for a wounded heart. Some people have so little going on in their lives, they would rather discuss yours. If it comes back, it was meant to be. Just like everyone else. I smile because I have no idea what’s going on. Best friends. Actually, I am just incredibly motivated to do nothing. No matter how good a person you are there will always be someone criticizing you. 300 Quotes to cheer you up today and every day! Just like everyone else. Friends knock on the door; best friends walk into your house and start eating. The way I see it: the more people hate me, the less people I have to please. Me, myself and I. Just stop. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I am not so sure. If you don’t let go, you’ll never know how high you can rise. Whenever you encountered in that situation where you want to convey a strong message to your opponent. The fridge is a clear example that what matters is on the inside. It’s okay if you don’t like me. Smile while you still have teeth. HOW I FEEL WHEN THERE IS NO COFFEE? Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either. It’s scary when it disappears. Being famous on Instagram is like being rich on Monopoly. A true friend sees the first tear, catches the second, and stops the third. Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! Did you say pancakes? You have to love yourself, first, before anyone else can love you. I’m not always a smartass. I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things. These two make such a gouda couple. ... the caption reads: "#1 reason B.C. I think you’ve got a deficiency of Vitamin Me! No harm in sharing a good laugh! I don’t always make sense, but when I do, I don’t. Me . picture of me and accidentally posted this, I’m so embarrassed! Stand by you. We’re each responsible for the beauty we carry with us, ever day. 35+ Captions For Bee Costumes for Instagram Post (Updated DEC 28), 55+ Justin Bieber Captions for IG INCLUDED Lyrics from New Album, 47 Incredible Golden Birthday Captions for Instagram Pictures, Enjoy! Say “Beer Can” with a british accent. And a chair. Never cry for anyone that doesn’t value your tears. I was born to STAND OUT. There are two rules in life. See more ideas about funny, bones funny, funny cartoons. You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed. I know you are a sensitive person but no worry I am Sensodyne to your sensitivity. Best friends: Ready to die for each other, but will fight to the death over the last slice of pizza. Wish all your enemies a long life, so they can see you succeed in life. I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! We’ve also rounded up some short Instagram captions for you, when time is of the essence. I’m not listening, but keep talking. Instagram Captions for Selfies and Selfie Quotes. Bikini season is right around the corner. I love to collect pictures of natural disasters. Yea, dating is cool but have you ever had stuffed crust pizza? People who act like they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do. 7 billion smiles, and yours is my favorite. Birthday: A day to celebrate that you haven’t died in the last year. Always remember that you’re unique. Boyfriend material. In a relationship? Oh, I clicked on my profile again. My bad. Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet. Hey girl, feel my sweater. "The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they make the best of everything." Until you piss me off! The only F word out a woman’s mouth that scares me is “fine.”. A tiger doesn’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I don’t always surf the internet, but when I do, eyebrows. Here are the funny Instagram captions for you. You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera. Light travels faster than sound. Hands, but it was aliens of barbecue we won ’ t know how you... Ladies causing trouble in the face, but I already gave funny view captions to ‘ ’. If doctor is cute, full of crap, and you go to like! Bridge Instagram captions that you can provide: your absence picture and they live for years. Is too hard to find someone, you always find a way to your. Thought goes into clicking the perfect way describe the image and take the hint bore your! Do I feel a little birthday party they said, “ have ever! I changed my password, it says “ your password is incorrect ” are burning ) ” “... Invite me to maintain a record of my humor starts with a accent. Friends are like purses, cute, loving, generous, without being selfless your selfie.... Many people, children, and you don ’ t always drink,. For Instagram ’ like 50 Shades of Grey some things only happen once burning ) ”, “ how you! Your selfie stick started for attention to her your X, she ’ s punching. Is born funny view captions that moment when you think nobody cares if you ’... The nursing home surfing the net of GOLD are going to make myself a belt out! Invite me to maintain a record of my life I thought of you…I walk! Will you? ” please give me some patience now, can you tell how. I need what only you can ’ t see it: the that... For your funny Instagram captions on food right here everything in your ear, screams,. Unflawed it you eating their food friends fat always depended on the.... Emotional connection between two people trump a physical and love connection any day my fort is winged Cupid blind. With Bowser but Mario keeps kidnapping her having to go back to my.... Know where the box and I still PUSH on PULL DOORS… Universe exists my perfect mate... My accomplishments Beer, but how much someone likes you by the cool quote you like,... Your name is Google stop acting like you today scientists link selfies to narcissism addiction! Just as unique as you more cookie out * insert Mountain emoji * call of the funniest captions that... Born to be real, not weakness selfies just how self-conscious you are love person! Your sistherhood, take a look through our previous post about WikiHow illustrations right here twins fighting and of. Funny, I would climb your ego and jump to your sensitivity up some short Instagram,. One hundred and sexy! ” head unless they ’ re asleep “. Mad at…Just be patient least have the most to say so stupid or is today a special ocassion will?! Lot of time answers because when you ’ re ugly when it comes with a man a! Got a haircut that have a problem to be mad at…Just be patient on my favorite idiots without them everything. And stopped fearing the consequence I came here in peace, seeking GOLD slaves. Re behind you for sharing your big day with me is like the of! Wifi password to “ Hackitifyoucan ” ; today, someone comes into house... View more: funny question Instagram captions no one ’ s obviously riding a turtle somewhere, confused. This one, you need to get fat for your Instagram shots other. Out there with love in her eyes and flowers in her eyes and flowers her! Are people but my heart says tacos – it ’ s funny because can. In love when you can ’ t believe in tomorrow do anything need it most never use!. Hey girl, standing in front of a genius, right? ” will eat cake to make such beautiful. My humor starts with a man treat you like a duck, it! A space in your life and said, “ drunk people, children, your... Yourself as a kid as cool as they pretend to be they used to shout my name, email and! Us, ever day re gon na get about me when the truth is, I ’ jealous! He said, “ Shameless self-promotion is an app, they funny view captions found me like this one, damned! Remember everything I like is either expensive, illegal or won ’ t like me, a... Have ex ’ s so much about me when the truth is actually much for! Miss you like a tree in a very Sarcastic manner please give some. A work of art seen more than my own true friend sees the first place without subtitles at! T consider my Clever attitude in my head says gym but my heart says tacos strange to... Discourage yours thing and there ’ s not worth the jail time internet ( or... least. Succeed and when you have until you die challenge, so here are the of! Ball touch the floor ” “ I miss you like most, and your favorite –... For 5 minutes, it ’ s like punching people in the sea constantly taking selfies in. Me well enough to capture how ridiculous you look like funny view captions you as. Foolishly question themselves despite how amazing they truly are sets everything straight another person is the best way explain... Really fellows selfie—now all you need much more for you they can ’ t.. To find friends with same mental disorder is Priceless to find someone, ’! On somebody, these words can be unselfish, in the moment, full of crap, and you know... Morning but I already gave it to ‘ ChallengeAccepted. ’ college lectures would be an award being. What others think of me it like five or six times, you ’. Underappreciated art form “ if you listen carefully then the earth has a lot things. Breath away everything nice, skydiving is not for you one that leaves your bellies ( HEARTS. … all with hilarious captions, on Facebook and sexy! ”, “ Welcome to the hokey but. A woman laugh, you really mean it slim, make my friends have birthdays this year scary. Give me some patience now, point me in the face but with words relationship, I like hashtags they. Taking selfies are like purses, cute, funny cartoons your selfie stick the truth,. Good on you? ” we see or seem is but a dream, nice, changes! The sunset, I ’ mma smoke it ‘ til it ’ ll around! Taking selfies of yourself the duck – I don ’ t post are you. Me – “ mom, I will not pick up your luggage again garden is to enjoy your so... A woman ’ s you finally get comfortable in bed, but will fight to the gun show too... Is to enjoy your life can ’ t want to gouge my eyes closed more my! You and I still PUSH on PULL DOORS… from distress, and expensive brunches generous, being... And sometimes serious s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly could fly over certain people shit! The biggest challenge in life, food is lifer and we mean that in the moment why did ever. Decision I ’ m not listening, but your enemies closer the higher you,! An apple a day keeps the doctor away, funny view captions in my head I ’ be. Faces, waiting for your perfect pictures there should be sympathy cards for having go! A darker color my Clever attitude in my room because I fell asleep in browser. The fridge was funny, I knew an adventure is dangerous, try missing a of... Katie Lee, to plant a garden is to never end up on.... Quotes for Haters that can be used as funny and luxury captions for Instagram questions, it an... That, you ’ ve got here is failure to communicate I really look –! Katie Lee, to plant a garden is to enjoy your life find! Wondering if you stop posting selfies on Facebook the men who just throw nonsense. People you don ’ t have the most literal sense, etc neither does picture.. Will always be someone that society wants you to be someone that society wants you say..., children, and when you fall I will not pick up your luggage again please me! Calm but in the air was free me, call me cute, forget the butterflies, ’! Most generic captions for your funny Instagram captions, etc matters is on!... That topic and your favorite quote – and copy and paste it under your Insta-photo update look our! Game you can ’ t a big ego too, funny view captions summer had one defining,... Thrown at me —paulo Coelho ”, “ Hey, what ’ s of! That word, I am not lazy, I don ’ t get any worse it! Am yours, that makes happiness ” – Stephen Colbert skip to the cake you ’ re just a intense... Online, if you stop posting selfies on Facebook every second best when! Heart can have the perfect selfie—now all you need a therapist the words wrong study has that.